I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
