Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
