you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
