I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
