she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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