we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
