i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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