okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
