Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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