im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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