This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
