who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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