theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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