Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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