He disabled his match.com account in front of me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
