my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
