the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
someone get that fucking seahorse.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
