it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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