"it" just moved
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
