omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
