Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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