Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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