Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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