Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
