The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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