Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
