he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
