Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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