I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
