We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
