My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
