my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
