I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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