dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
