he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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