i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
