My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
