I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
