I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
this will be a night to untag.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
