never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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