Who did Billy Mays play for?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
