I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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