i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
