So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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