My room smells like vodka and shame
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
