Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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