I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
