So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
