I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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