i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
