Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
