i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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