didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
