Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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