So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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