i need an iv and a liver transplant
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
