As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
