So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
