happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
